Things You Shouldn't Say To The DJ...

1.  "Play something good."  Really? Whose definition are we talking about here? Because your predictable mainstream tastes leave something to be desired.  What you really mean to say is "play something dumb that everyone knows."


2.  "Dude, if you play it now, it's gonna set this bitch off." Dude, it's 10:15pm, there are 20 people in here, and you're expecting me to bang out shit like DMX- Party Up.  DJing is like sex.  If I give it to you hard and fast right off the bat, you're gonna get bored with it. Do me a favor, go hang at the bar for a minute, have a couple drinks, chat up some members of the opposite sex, and leave the music to me.


3.  "I know you played it already, but can you play it again?" I don't care if it's because you weren't there when I played it, playing songs twice is just not good programming.  If I played a song that you didn't like twice, it would leave a bad taste in your mouth. Get there earlier next time.


4.  "Why haven't you played my song yet?" The simplest answer is probably because the song you want to hear isn't going to work.  As much as I love Morris Day and the Time, it's my JOB to look out at the dance floor and decide what songs to play.  If I don't think it's gonna work, I'm not gonna play it. The more complex answer is that you've requested an extremely popular song, one I know that everyone will react to and I am not yet ready to drop that eargasm on them just yet.


5.  "Play (insert song title) next." You've made two mistakes.  First, you're assuming that the song you insist I play is one that I was going to already.  Second, you're assuming that I am going to drop everything for you.  I don't care if you throw $20 at me or offer sexual favors, I'm not going to play your song next just because you said so.  I've got a club full of people to attend to.


6.  "It's my birthday!!!" Happy birthday, seriously, now leave me alone.  There are at least 10 other people in here celebrating their birthday too.  Go find them and annoy each other.  You don't have to remind me and ask for a birthday shout out every 10 minutes.


7.  "Why don't you let the whole song play?" Simple math dictates that given an average length of 4 minutes per song, it will take 60 songs to play a 4 hour night. If I play a record that kills the mood because I read the crowd wrong (it happens to EVERY DJ), do you really expect me to keep letting it play? If you're listening to your iPod and a song comes on that you don't wanna hear, do you force yourself to keep listening to it? I've got 60+ decisions to make a night. Also, contrary to popular belief, I'm not an iPod, I'm an artist.  I take other peoples music and use it to evoke reactions from a crowd.  Sometimes this means only playing the best parts of a song back to back. (p.s. That's how hip-hop was invented)


8.  (Reaches hand toward turntable) "Can I try."  If you're a guy who does this, stop trying to be a douche because every time I call your bluff and say yes, you immediately back down.  If you're a girl who does this, I understand you're trying to flirt, but (and maybe this just goes for me) please leave me alone while I'm working.  If you're really interested, get my attention at the beginning or end of the night.


9.  "What time does this place get busy?"  It is this mentality that has resulted in crickets chirping at a lot of nightlife venues until 12:00+.  I understand the whole "I don't wanna be the first person there" mindset, but it is ruining club life in this town.  Don't be afraid to be the catalyst that starts the party.


10.  "You know where I can score some..."  I am a DJ. This DOES NOT mean I have access to drugs.